Making my (now) wife feel as loved and joyful as possible has always been my number one relationship priority, and that priority has grown many times over since we were married.
So, does it make me error-free and
flawless? HA! Get her opinion on it.
What it does imply is that I work hard
to make up for my flaws and dedicate the rest of my time to making sure she
"feels the love."
The first step is to accept her for
who she truly is.
All her life, she has been held up to
(and held herself up to) external standards of comparison. It might be her
self-esteem about her looks or her career or her desire to settle down and have
children. Women are constantly judged and subjected to extreme amounts of
pressure.
This is just one area where you'll
need to convince her that those characteristics aren't essential to
understanding who she is. The things she holds most dear are her principles,
beliefs, and moral compass.
She hopes someone would see past her
crooked teeth, her thin hair, and the fact that she's older than she had
planned to be before getting married.
There is no reason to love her any
less, or more, because of any of those qualities.
Realizing that she is a lady hiding
underneath all that...
This is the lady who is reaching out,
hoping to be seen and appreciated for the real, unfiltered version of herself.
Make an effort to win her confidence.
Trusting her takes a different
strategy than attempting to sell yourself to her, which is the method most
males do.
Men go to tremendous lengths to get
the approval of women; they may mention their renowned acquaintances, brag
about the success of their business in the previous year, valet park their
Porsche in front of the ritziest restaurant, and hype themselves up.
Ignorantly assuming it's the perfect
thing to say to make her happy.
Meanwhile, as a high-value lady who is
self-sufficient in that regard, she is unable to leave the situation and must
wait for the check to arrive before she can call an Uber to take her home.
The majority of men fail to put forth
the effort required to win a woman's trust. To prove to her that he is more
than simply a rich businessman with a bunch of flashy goods.
For one, it just takes a second for
those things to vanish.
To add insult to injury, none of it
actually reflects who you are. Your success in the corporate world is no
guarantee that you will be a desirable life mate.
If you're a man of your word and
always there for her, she'll know she can trust you through anything.
Those are significantly more precious
than anything monetary.
Third, take your time.
Consider that if you're truly in love
with someone, you're already fantasizing about a future with them. Perhaps in
the context of marriage. Without a doubt, forever.
Though brief, one's life span might be
rather extensive.
It's possible that you have many more
decades of life ahead of you, depending on your current age. Of course you
can't wait for "forever" to begin, but what's the big hurry? After
all, it lasts indefinitely.
Things happen when they happen.
Developing a deep emotional and physical connection takes time, and people do
what seems right for them at the right time.
If you try to force things to move
faster than they naturally would, you may wind up driving people away.
Instead, showing her that her needs
are more important than your wishes by respecting (we'll get into this more
later) the pace she moves at and what makes her comfortable is a powerful
expression of your love for her.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem
with the rapid pace at which two people may move things forward if they so
want. When it comes to pace, there is no such thing as "right" or
"wrong," just what is appropriate or inappropriate for a certain
person.
4. Don't try to forget about her
history; educate yourself on it.
Even while some people still hold the
view that "it's awkward to talk about exes," I think it's important
to try to put yourself in someone else's shoes because it may help you better
appreciate where they're coming from and what they've been through in their
relationships.
You're not looking to find out about
your partner's past sexual activities, of course.
If they have been injured in the past,
or if they have developed new perspectives on love, relationships, or males in
general as a result of those experiences, it will be useful to learn more about
those things.
In doing so, you may learn from the
experiences of others and recognize when a difficulty is not due to you but
rather to baggage she is bringing from her past.
I promise you, this will simplify
things for you both.
And it will show her that you're
interested in getting to know the real her, flaws and all.
5. Tell her all your secrets as well.
Trust is crucial, as we saw in point
number two, but it has to go both ways.
She needs to know that you are willing
to be vulnerable and share your thoughts and feelings with her before she can
trust that you are truly committed. Everything there is to know about it, good,
terrible, and ugly.
Consider #4 and how these things need
to go both ways in a relationship if you are concerned about frightening her
away.
She wasn't the proper person for you
if you could accept her history but she couldn't accept yours.
If you're harboring secrets for good
reasons, show her that you've matured since the time in question, not just to
avoid dragging her through the mud but so that you can avoid it in the future.
Most individuals who read this would
agree, however, that opening up to one another about who you truly are is a
powerful way to cement your relationship. The hidden, unseen, or unrevealed
components.
Showing that your love for her is
sincere and genuine requires you to open out to her.
Don't be frightened by her might;
instead, let it motivate you.
A lot of guys don't realize how much
they desire a "strong woman" until they're actually dating one, in my
opinion.
Men realize they are expendable only
when they encounter a woman who has established interests and activities
outside of the relationship.
Turning the tables, though: The good
news is that.
Why?
This is significant because it
demonstrates that she is not dependent on you but rather is selecting you as a
partner she wants to be with.
Because of this, your relationship
will become stronger for all the correct reasons.
Being with a lady who can do great
things in her own right can motivate you to work harder toward your own dreams.
It will be possible for you to
collaborate effectively.
You'll have a dependable companion by
your side.
Someone who makes the conscious
decision to put you first every morning, just as you do for her.
somebody you would be glad to tell
your friends about and who would do the same for you.
Allowing her to fly far and wide
demonstrates your confidence in your own strength and the certainty that she
will return to you no matter how far she soars.
Make genuine connections with others,
per step number seven.
They're waiting for me to say,
"Oh, and make sure you have a lot of sex!" because they know that's
what most of the males reading this want to hear.
Yes, as I've mentioned many times
before, a strong sex life is crucial to keeping a relationship together over
the long haul, but it's not a measure of love. Lots of you have probably had
your fill of sex with someone you never loved.
However, if you and your partner have
developed an intimate relationship characterized by a deep and reciprocal
emotional attachment that extends beyond physical touch, then...
That's a very powerful and priceless
asset.
More work is required as well.
While it's not hard to have sex, true
closeness requires sacrifice, hard effort, and opening yourself to one another.
But here's the rub: true closeness
greatly improves and prolongs your sex life with a partner. The depth of your
feelings for them will entice you on a deeper level than any physical
attraction could.
Eighth, merge your lives into one.
You've finally found someone who truly
moves you, so celebrate!
But she senses your reluctance since
you probably don't share her hobbies very often or encourage her to share
yours. Perhaps there are others she hasn't met yet in your life...
The things you would take for granted
could be serious concerns in her eyes.
I don't understand why he never
watches my favorite show.
For what reason have I not met his
cousins, about whom he always raves?
He never asks me to (fill in the blank
with a regular activity of yours).
In her mind, you may be keeping an out
without making things too tangled or difficult for her.
The fact is that if you want to start
a life with someone, you're going to have to learn to share a lot of your own.
Feel free to continue pursuing your
individual interests; you need not do everything with your partner.
the point is to take an interest in
things that interest you. Symbolically, if you wish your two worlds to become
one...
Only someone you genuinely love would
deserve such an act.
Inquire according to her requirements
in number 9.
I don't just mean going to the store
or the coffee shop to get her something, but you should be prepared to do that
whenever she asks.
I mean to ask her straight out what makes
her feel appreciated. The "Love Languages" discussion in progress.
Talking about the things we need, want, fear, and fantasize about.
You can learn all there is to learn
through articles, coaches, books, seminars, etc.
However, in the end, the only one who
can truly convey their love feelings is the one they are developing feelings
for.
If you want to learn more about her,
she is your best bet.
No. 10: Have self-love.
It's true that this piece is about
loving her, but it's also about how caring for yourself gives you the strength
to do so.
When you have confidence in yourself,
it's because you love yourself.
We've established that being confident
in yourself is crucial if you want to be able to be open and honest with her
about who you are.
Feeling confident in oneself allows
one to relax and let the other person enjoy their life without constant
monitoring.
When you're confident in who you are,
you can show her how you feel in your most intimate times.
When you have confidence in yourself,
you can show up to work with greater authority and enjoy the outcomes more.
This reflects in all aspects of your life.
If you have confidence in yourself,
you won't feel compelled to always be the focus of attention and can instead
prioritize her and her needs.
You improve as a guy when you make an
effort to love yourself.
A guy with an expanded capacity for
love, both as a giver and a receiver.
A man who intends to make his lifelong
commitment to his partner count by sharing many happy years together.
A guy who defends his lady.
A dad who takes charge for his young
ones.
Some guy who stands up for himself.
He takes responsibility for the
couple.
That is the essence of real love.
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