Long before I was a professional speaker, writer, or coach on the topic of relationships, I held myself to a very high standard in all of my personal interactions with others.


However, this does not imply that I am without flaw. Though I fail to live up to it more often than I'd like to admit, I do have a set of principles I try to live by. A set of rules that includes both acceptable and unacceptable behavior.


No matter how awful your day, your attitude, or how much outside stress you're under, a decent man will never do something that goes against his very essence and identity.


Hmm, let's see what we can find out.


You can count on him to never treat you like you don't have any worth.

One of life's greatest privileges is to be asked to enter into a committed relationship with another person. You've got a free and responsible person who is picking you out of all the other billions of people in the world to spend the rest of their lives with.


Now picture yourself taking that privilege for granted and acting in ways that would cause the recipient to feel unloved, unappreciated, and undesired in the relationship.


No decent man would ever consider treating you any less than his top priority, and if you ever feel as though he has become distracted, overwhelmed, or distant without meaning to, he will quickly and effectively rectify the situation by pulling you close and assuring you that you are, indeed, his top priority.


He will never try to mess with your head or heart, which brings us to point number two.

We've all been in situations where we've doubted the sincerity of another person's words or conduct. Seeing how they act in opposition to what they preach...


It might be an honest mistake or lack of interest on their part, but it could also be an act of manipulation to make you feel inferior or compelled to "win someone over."


No of the impetus, good guys go into partnerships with their heads on straight and their hearts in the right place. They are trustworthy and honest people who would never intentionally hurt you.


Thirdly, he'll always be completely transparent with you.

Over the years, I have heard it all from my clients, from those who secretly text their coworkers to those who lived completely separate lives and had no idea their families were related.


Good men never keep secrets from their wives, girlfriends, or other significant others, no matter how little or large the matter may be.


Let me be clear: I think everyone has the right to their own privacy, and I acknowledge that some individuals may feel awkward discussing their concerns, prior experiences, or inner pain/desire/whatever with others.


This is a point concerning dishonest behavior, which a good guy would never engage in on purpose.


To number four, he will never ask you to "sell yourself."

You should consider whether or not the man you're seeing treats you with respect and cares about you as a person. That's because of your wit, your desire, and your will... Do you ever feel like you have to "prove yourself" to him? To "demonstrate" your "deservingness" of his affection, time, or consideration?


The foundation of any strong relationship is two individuals who consistently affirm one other's worth.


You should never have to work for someone's affection, since that kind of love isn't genuine.


***I'm not saying you shouldn't try to make things work between you; after all, it takes work on both sides to maintain a healthy relationship. However, there's a big difference between trying to make things work because you care about the other person and trying to make things work because you've been given an ultimatum.


He will never give you bad advice, number 5.

If a guy has lofty aspirations for his future, he would do well to choose a life mate who is just as ambitious.


When two like-minded individuals work together, they may accomplish great things.


That's why it seems futile and illogical to attempt and talk down your partner's skills and aspirations.


An admiring man will cheer for you relentlessly. Your backbone, if you will. Your number one cheerleader, just as he is for you. He understands that with cooperation, there is no task that can't be completed.


Point number six: He will never make a comment on how you look.

Because a man who criticizes your looks understands it will have a deeper influence on your self-image and confidence, this is a huge one. This isn't because your appearance is the most essential thing (we all know that it isn't).


If you've ever sought his advice on an article of clothing, a set of eyeglasses, or the fit of a new pair of jeans, you know what I'm talking about.


That's not the same discourse as someone who wants to play on your anxieties; in fact, it's frequently an indication of emotional abuse designed to make you feel like you don't deserve better so you won't leave him.


(You do).


He is faithful and honest and will never cheat on you.



Of course, James, mistakes are made by human beings.


Please hear me out: dishonesty is seldom a fluke. There has to be a buildup of circumstances before the actual cheating may take place.


Any serious relationship takes time spent getting to know one another on a personal level. Repeated hookups and sexual encounters. Multiple falsehoods designed to conceal the illegal behavior.


To have a "one time thing," two people need to make eye contact across a bar, have a drink together, engage in some light flirting and personal talk, and maybe even end up in each other's hotel rooms.


There is no one action that constitutes "just cheating;" rather, it involves either premeditation or a total lack of care for you and your relationship.


It's never an accident, and it's never okay in the eyes of decent men.


He won't ever violate your confidence, which brings us to point number eight.

The foundation of any healthy relationship is trust. Trust is something that must be acquired and nurtured; it is a delicate but indispensable ingredient without which the whole enterprise might crumble.


A trustworthy man would avoid putting himself in a position where he can violate your confidence. A clash of ideals or a betrayal of your trust in him need not always include cheating (see item #7).


Trust is not something to be trifled with or treated lightly since it takes time to rebuild once it has been damaged.


Number Nine: He will never dismiss your emotions.

Men that care about you as a person know that what you're feeling is real and authentic. If he can't completely relate to or understand how you feel, that's okay; everyone has their own unique experiences, upbringing, and viewpoints.


The fact that he cares about your feelings and takes them seriously will make him listen carefully and reply thoughtfully.


For him, the best method to sow doubt in you is to downplay your emotions or get you to question your intuition. Don't let someone else's doubts make you doubt your own.


Ten. He will never treat you badly.

A decent guy would never abuse the woman he loves in any manner, whether it be mental, emotional, physical, financial, or any other kind of abuse.


True love never resorts to cruelty.


True friends never treat others badly.


It is a hard and fast rule.


The role of a decent guy in a relationship is to ensure that his partner always feels secure. To keep you safe. to keep an eye out for you. To walk with you as a reliable companion through life.


A guy should cut you out of his life permanently the moment he exploits his power to damage you in any way, whether physical or emotional.


Absolutely no one is an exception. You should always aim for the highest possible quality of life, since you deserve nothing less.


If a man treats you badly, he doesn't deserve you. Plenty of decent guys out there can and will shower you with all the affection and care you deserve. Don't let someone who takes you for granted ruin that chance for you.


Unlocking Love author and life coach James Michael Sama is a sought-after public speaker across the world.